Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
