is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
