everyone is single if you try hard enough
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
