I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
