My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
