Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
