I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
