Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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