just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize