That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
