can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
