she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
