i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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