He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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