kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
