I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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