I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
