I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
