I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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