Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
