currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
