So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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