You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
