So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
