Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
