I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
