i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think people are normalizing furries
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
