saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
