Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
