I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
send nudes
from the living room?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
