So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
