SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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