Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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