If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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