Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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