The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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