dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
