I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
