I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
