I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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