i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
