Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
