I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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