Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"

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  (310): She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane" http://tfl.nu/g45q
  Replies (7) Good night (2176) Bad night (884)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction

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  (202): Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion (202): He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction http://tfl.nu/lcwv
  Replies (60) Good night (800) Bad night (5324)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.

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  (405): It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother. http://tfl.nu/gdyr
  Replies (42) Good night (1109) Bad night (2690)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.

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  (402): so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either. http://tfl.nu/umcw
  Replies (13) Good night (4022) Bad night (1572)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  please don't ever take me to a strip club again...

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  (217): you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals... (1-217): please don't ever take me to a strip club again... http://tfl.nu/2ds8
  Replies (29) Good night (6020) Bad night (1729)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.

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  (814): It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble. http://tfl.nu/cvy5
  Replies (17) Good night (741) Bad night (4959)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table

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  (630): It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table http://tfl.nu/i2oz
  Replies (25) Good night (1509) Bad night (4211)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp

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  (443): and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp http://tfl.nu/f0ut
  Replies (32) Good night (1997) Bad night (4522)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  i am way too old to be getting fingered at work

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  (519): i am way too old to be getting fingered at work http://tfl.nu/4t42
  Replies (37) Good night (6060) Bad night (1544)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on

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  (210): i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on http://tfl.nu/7n7l
  Replies (9) Good night (2921) Bad night (1203)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.

  (512): View more from Texas

  That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?

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  (508): I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur. (512): That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot? http://tfl.nu/yofn
  Replies (10) Good night (2906) Bad night (698)
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  (760): View more from California

  No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.

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  (760): No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity. http://tfl.nu/loos
  Replies (1) Good night (479) Bad night (854)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection

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  (248): You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection http://tfl.nu/50lp
  Replies (7) Good night (1400) Bad night (586)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?

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  (248): Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents? http://tfl.nu/sosc
  Replies (1) Good night (519) Bad night (315)
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.

  (1-226): View more from Ontario

  I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.

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  (226): Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor. (1-226): I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again. http://tfl.nu/8udg
  Replies (1) Good night (509) Bad night (248)

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