Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick