his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress