we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
birth control should be required to get into college
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon