I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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