I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
