I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
