DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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