these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I am available for nakedness
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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