Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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