Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
