so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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