i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
