I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
jump out the window naked night went bad
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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