1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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