You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
