I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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