I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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