he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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