I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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