Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
im holly from the hills drunk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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