So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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