it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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