yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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