I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
